Happiest Ever After: worksheet

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Disability Worksheet

1. Have you updated your will and beneficiaries on all accounts?

2. Do you have power of attorney or enduring power of attorney?

3. Who should have POA if neither of us could?

4. Who would I want to make medical decisions?

5. Do you have a medical directive or living will?

6. Who would I want my executors to be?

7. Do both of us know where important legal documents are kept?

8. If incapacitated would you want a family member or a professional to take care of you?

9. Who is an emergency contact other than your spouse?

10. Who would you want to take care of any children if you both died?

11. If you knew you were dying how would you spend your last days?

12. At the end would you like to be heavily drugged or lucid?

13. Would you want to know when you will die?

14. Do you have any existing conditions?

15. What diseases run in your family?

16. What have your close relatives died of?

17. Will we purchase life or critical illness insurance?

18. How will we handle aged parents when the time comes?

19. Would you want a memorial donation made?

20. What would you like your obituary to say?

21. Do you want a funeral and if so what should it look like?

22. Would you want to be cremated or buried?

23. Do you want to be an organ donor or have your body be donated to science?

24. Who do we want as beneficiaries, money and possessions (other than your partner)?

25. How would we cover medical or funeral expenses?

26. What treatments would you want or not want?

27. Does your religion preclude some treatments?

28. Would you consider alternative or experimental treatments?

29. Would you want to die at home?

30. Would you consider medically assisted dying?

31. Do you believe in extraordinary measures to save a life?

32. Would want to be kept alive on life on life support?

33. Scenario 1: Your spouse has been kidnapped. The kidnapper has asked for ransom that would mean selling your home, cars and emptying your retirement fund. The police advise not doing it since the perpetrator is a killer but has not kidnapped anyone before. What would you do?

34. Scenario 2: Your ninety year old father-in-law is on life support and won’t recover. Your spouse is not ready to say goodbye yet so doesn’t want to pull the plug. You have to cover the $1000/day bill and are trying to save for a house. What do you do?

35. Scenario 3: Your wife is in her first trimester and you are both excited to be having your first child. A severe traffic accident puts your wife in the hospital with unsurvivable injuries. The doctor advises she can be kept on life support until the baby is deliverable, she is however in tremendous pain. What do you do?

36. Scenario 4: You are rock climbing with your spouse when they fall. You climb down and find them extremely injured but breathing. It would be difficult due to the terrain to carry them out but to summon help would require you to leave them. Either way they won’t survive. What would you do?

37. In the above scenario you decide to stay to be with them when they pass. It is now two in the morning. You are exhausted, have built a fire, eaten the granola bars you had but your partner is still breathing but with difficulty. Would you stay, leave them or suffocate them to end what would end anyway (no one would ever know)?

38. Scenario 5: A large building collapses during a time when your spouse was running errands in the vicinity. Your spouse doesn’t come home after that but their body is not found in the rubble. Do you spend time and money putting up flyers, hiring private detectives to look at other scenarios or have them declared dead?

39. Scenario 6: Your partner is paralyzed from the neck down and sex is either impossible or unwanted by this person. How would you manage this need?

40. Scenario 7: Your spouse is injured and requires assistance while they recover (injections, wound care and bedpans). It will likely be six months to a year. They want to recover at home with your assistance only. Your boss will allow you to work from home during this time. Because of the

round the clock nature of the care you would rarely get to leave the house. How would you deal with this?

41. Scenario 8: Your spouse is an organ donor and has told you they would want their death to have meaning. They have had a brain injury and doctors aren’t hopeful. You have been approached by two doctors. One wants to use their organs to save a twelve year old and a mother of three small children. The other has an experimental treatment that is highly controversial and has only a twenty percent chance of improving brain function. What would you do?

42. Scenario 9: You have been on the transplant list for years. You have so much you want to do with your life but have been too sickly to do so. A friend of a friend says they can find you an organ on the black market. You have heard they do this by stealing from hospitals, killing people already on the transplant list or killing people for their organs. Would you do it?

43. Scenario 10: You are on a runaway train and make your way to the engine car. Your spouse is tied to the tracks up ahead. There is a switch coming up but if you take it the train will crash into and kill a crowd of school children. What do you do? Now imagine your children attend that school and may or may not be in the crowd. Does that change what you would do?

Abandonment Worksheet

Ask these questions to determine if abandonment is happening in small ways:

Do they refuse to pick you up or drive you places?
Are they on time to pick you up?
Do they feel your time is less important than theirs?
Do they ask you about your earlier life?
Do they remember facts about your life?
Do they do things for you they committed to?
Do you need to frequently remind them of these?
When you say you have had a rough day, do they ask about it?
When you are sick, do they take care of you?
Do they remember how you take your coffee?
When there has been a death, do they bring you food or provide other support?
Do they ask favours, but never return them?
Do they borrow things and not return them?
Do they forget plans you make?
Are they there only in the good times?
Do they have a hard time fitting you into their schedule?
Do they talk about you behind your back?
Do you do all the pursuing?
Do they remember your birthday and other special days?
Are they critical of your looks or lifestyle choices?
Are they there for their friends and family?
Are they there for your family and friends?
Do they think your hobbies and interests are stupid?
After a hard day, do they know what to say and do to make you feel better?
Do you feel neglected?
Do you always do what they want to do?
Do you feel you are not being told what is going on in their life?
Do you feel you are not really listened to?
Do they never stop talking about themself?
Do you feel lifted up when you are down?
Are they available to listen when you need to talk?
Do they avoid you or get silent when you are fighting?
Does your partner express their love to you, either in words or deeds?
Do they make your life easier?
When they see you are busy, do they sit and watch TV and not offer assistance?
Do they have a string of unfulfilled promises?
Do they leave projects half done?
Do they hop from job to job?
Do their family and friends receive information before you?
Do you feel alone even when you are together?

Over Versus Under Responsible Worksheet

They might be over-responsible if:

Are they the firstborn? Firstborn children tend to be given more responsibility and therefore may be more controlling.
Are they a middle child? Middle children are more self-motivated and independent.
Have they lived on their own? Having some time to take on all the responsibilities for one’s self can only be a good thing. They have an idea of the cost and effort needed to run a household.
Did their opposite sex parent do everything for them? Sometimes we see the mother do everything for the son so they never learn how to cook or do laundry. Sometimes a dad will make sure their daughter never has to mow the lawn or change a tire.
Were they part of a family that required all members to pitch in such as a farm family?

Do they feel like everything depends on them?

Have they found out about a family tragedy at work and finished their shift?
Are they OCD regarding cleanliness?
Does others’ uncleanliness stress them out so much they start cleaning for them?

Are they unable to delegate or settle for a less then a perfect job?
Do they have impossibly high standards?
Do they do for others what they should do themselves?
Do they know the schedule of everyone in their life including those that don’t live in their house?

Do they feel like if they don’t keep on top of the situation nothing will get done?

They might be under-responsible if:

Did they grow up in a home where they never had to work for things or learn the value of them? Were they always given everything and never had to work for it?

Was there an adult male in the home? A man who is raised without a male influence may have all their emotional needs met by the females in the home and expect this of a partner.

Are they the youngest? Younger children usually shoulder less responsibility so are more carefree.
Do they always have an excuse why they can’t do things themselves?

Are they frequently late?

Do they blame others for their mistakes?

Do they neglect to take care of themselves or their possessions?

Do they frequently change jobs?

You feel like you are babysitting when you are with them?

Do they procrastinate or need a lot of reminders?
Do they always expect others to rescue them?

Do they fail to plan ahead?

Are they financially irresponsible?

Have they always had someone jump in so they have not had to experience the consequences of their actions?
Do they have a history of losing things? Forgetting deadlines? Missing appointments?

Could go either way:

Was she the only girl in the family? While this may have taught her manly skills, it also could be she was treated as fragile.
Was he the only boy? Sometimes this can mean he has had to take on the man of the family role, especially if the parents were divorced. If he was the only boy and the youngest, he could have been over-mothered and be less responsible.

Did they grow up in a very traditional family where gender roles were strictly enforced?

Did their parents divorce? This may have resulted in them having to take on more responsibility which might mean they are over responsible, but they may now be looking for someone to take on the role since they already paid their dues.

Impulse Control Worksheet

Look for these signs that someone has poor impulse control or an inability to delay gratification:

Do they carry a lot of debt?
Do they have drunk driving charges?
Do they have financial problems while making a decent living?
Have you seen compulsive lying?
Is there a history of fire starting?
Are there displays of explosive anger?
Is there a history of pulling one’s own hair?
Do they have a criminal record?
Is there a history of destroying others’ property?
In school, were they considered disruptive?
Do they have a history of theft?
Are they frequently drunk?
Is there a history of hurting people or animals?
Is there a history of risky sex?
Do they frequently say inappropriate things?
Do they want to move in together with you after only a brief courtship?
Do they have to have the latest and greatest of everything as soon as it comes out?
Are they indebted to a lot of people in money and in other ways?
Do they have a lot of ‘toys’, yet can't pay their rent?
Do they gamble frequently?
Is there a history of frequent risk-taking activities?
Have they often quit or been fired from jobs?
Do they say they like to be spontaneous or act on the spur of the moment?
Do they abhor lists and planning?
Do they often use the excuse: ‘you only live once’?
Do they get in fights?
Have you seen a lot of outbursts?
Is there a history of affairs or flirting with others?
Do they overeat or have trouble sticking to a diet?
Are there people that are afraid of them?
Have they been referred to as a hothead?
Do they have an addiction?
Do they have any savings?
Have they ever punched a hole in the wall?
Do they jump right in the minute they have an idea?
Has it ever been suggested they need anger management?
Do they buy things they don’t need?
When things are challenging, do they quit?
Do they have a lot of unfinished projects?
Do they often oversleep or are late for other reasons?
Do they plunge ahead with ideas even when everyone urges caution?
Do they fly by the seat of their pants?
Do they make purchases, then hide them?

Are You Ready for Children Worksheet - Non-Traditional Families

Lesbians:

Do one or both of you want to carry a child? Who will go first?
Whose eggs will you use?
Will you use IUI or IVF?
Do you want to use a sperm donor who is known to you or a stranger?
If using a known donor, do you want them to be part of your child’s life? Are you prepared to negotiate a legal contract to make your wishes clear?
Do you want to use a sperm donor who has similar looks to your partner?
Is the non-birthing partner prepared for the child potentially being more bonded to the birthing person?
How will you negotiate the legal issues involved in making sure both parents go on the birth certificate (if any exist)?
Does the non-birthing partner want to breastfeed as well?
How will you deal with homophobia that comes up during and after the process of assisted reproduction?
Do you have a strong support network?
If pursuing adoption, how will you deal with the homophobia that may come up during the adoption process?
How and when will you have the discussion with your child about why their family is different?

Gay Men:

Who will you choose to be your surrogate? Do you want someone you know or a stranger?
Do you want the surrogate to also donate eggs or will you do that separately?
Do you want the egg donor to be a part of your child’s life? Are you prepared to negotiate a legal contract to make your wishes clear?
Who will donate sperm?
Do you want to use an egg donor who has similar looks to your partner?
Do you want to be present for the birth? How involved do you want to be during the birth?
Do you want/expect a say in how the surrogate chooses to give birth?
How will you negotiate the legal issues involved in making sure both parents go on the birth certificate (if any exist)?
Will you ask the surrogate to donate breast milk? If possible, would you want to induce lactation to breastfeed the child yourself? (Yes, this is possible!)
How will you deal with homophobia that comes up during and after the process of assisted reproduction?
Do you have a strong support network?
If pursuing adoption, how will you deal with the homophobia that may come up during the adoption process?
How and when will you have the discussion with your child about why their family is different?

Transgender:

How will you deal with any dysphoria that may come up during pregnancy?
Is your healthcare provider knowledgeable in transgender pregnancy?
As a trans man, are you prepared to stop taking testosterone to get pregnant?
How will you deal with the stares and conversations that will come with being a pregnant man?
Have you done research into trans pregnancy?

Are You Ready for Children Worksheet

General:

Do you both want children? How many?
Do you think having children will fix problems in the relationship?
Do you think the lifestyle you envision is conducive to children (travelling, career, etc.)?
Do you think you have what it takes to be a good parent?
Is your relationship stable enough to withstand the stress of parenthood?
Are you willing to put someone else’s needs first?
Does the sex of the children matter?
Is the desire for children so strong you would divorce if it didn’t happen?

Pregnancy/Conception:

When will you start trying?
Will you plan when to have children or just see what happens?
Would you undergo medical procedures (such as varicocele repair or hysterosalpingogram) to make conception possible?
If you can’t get pregnancy naturally is in-vitro an option?
How many in-vitro treatments would you try?
Is in-vitro available where you live or would you need to travel?
Is surrogacy or egg/sperm donation an option?
How will you deal with the loss of income if the pregnancy is difficult and requires bedrest?
Are you prepared for how your partner’s body and mental/emotional state will change over the course of pregnancy?

Birth:

Do you want a natural birth (no drugs involved)?
Do you want/expect a say in how your partner chooses to give birth?
Do you want to be present during the birth?
How you handle the restrictions necessary if a C-section is needed?
Are you prepared to accept the risks of birth, including to maternal death?
Are you prepared for your partner potentially requiring an extended hospital stay?

Postpartum:

Will your child be breastfed or formula fed? Do both partners need/get a say in this?
Are you prepared for your child potentially requiring an extended hospital stay?
How would you handle a child that was constantly fussy and needed a lot of attention?
How would you handle a child that is born with a disability or an ongoing medical condition?
Will your relationship be able to withstand postpartum depression – which can show up in the non-birthing person as well – should it happen? Are you knowledgeable in the other potential postpartum mood disorders that may occur (such as postpartum mania and postpartum psychosis)?
Where will the infant sleep: with you or a separate room?
How will you deal with a reduction to your sex life?

Cost:

If conception doesn’t happen naturally, how will you pay for interventions like in-vitro?
Could you afford a doula?
Can you afford things like acupuncture, chiropractic care, and other medical interventions to make pregnancy easier?
Have you priced out supplies like diapers and formula?
Are you able to afford a special needs child in that eventuality?
How will you pay for children ($200,000 to age 18)?
Will you save for the child's education?
Can you afford to take maternity/paternity leave? Is this leave offered by your employer?
Can you afford to put the children in daycare?
Can you exist on one income if one parent chooses to stay home?
If you want to delay having children, can you afford to freeze eggs or sperm?

Living Situation:

Will you need to move to accommodate children?
Is the house easy to baby proof?
If your child is born special needs and requires, for example, a wheelchair, can you afford to remodel your home? Or would you need to move?
Will you want a live-in nanny? Where will you house the nanny?

Outside Influence:

Is your family willing and able to support you through raising a child?
Do you even want your family to be involved or will they be a toxic influence?
Will you need outside support like a nanny or cleaning services?
How will you handle family or friends who interfere in your parenting?

Adoption:

Would you consider adoption?
Is a hard to place child an option (older, handicapped, from another country)?
Can you afford the adoption costs?
Are there criminal records that would make adoption difficult?

Parenting:

Have you discussed your ideas on how to raise children?
Have you discussed how holiday traditions will be handled?
Will you raise the child in a certain religion? Does your partner agree?
How will discipline be handled?
How will you manage if your parenting styles are very different?
How will you handle a child who doesn’t adhere to gender expectations? A child that is transgender? A child that is homosexual?
Could you handle a child that was very disobedient or disrespectful?

Miscellaneous:

How will you deal with the reduced free time and lack of freedom?
How much time will each parent spend interacting with the children on things other than needs?
What activities am I willing to give up or cut back on to be with my children?
How will you deal with the child being the focus of your partner rather than you?
How capable are you to deal with reduced sleep due to dealing with the child?
How will you add child care responsibilities to the division of labour you now have?

Difficult Questions:

What will you do if you become pregnant before you’re ready?
How will miscarriages/pregnancy loss be handled?
Will you try again if you lose a pregnancy?
Will you have a funeral for stillborn children?
What would you do if you were informed your unborn child has a genetic condition that means it won’t live long? What if your child would live, but would suffer greatly? What if your child wouldn’t suffer but would have, for example, Down’s Syndrome?
What would you do if you were informed your pregnancy isn’t viable?
What are both of your thoughts and beliefs on abortion?
What would your partner do if they had to choose between your life or your unborn child’s life if you were not able to participate in the decision? What would you want them to do?
If your partner were to die or leave while you were pregnant, would you be able to afford to raise the child on your own?

Feeling Encouraged Worksheet

Have you been told you need to take a class so you have something worthwhile to say?
Are you told you are lacking in intelligence?
Do you dread going home?
Do people tell you that you act differently around your beloved?
Do you ‘dumb down’ around your partner?
Do they demand you dress up when you are together?
Have you been told ‘you are lucky to be with me’?
Are you being pushed to go back to school or change jobs?
Do they critique what you order in restaurants?
Do you feel like you need to play a role when you are with your partner?
Do you feel you are not good enough for them?
Do you feel like this is your only option?
Do they remember things about your schedule and ask about them?
Do you feel like if you grow you will outpace your partner?
Have they told you you are not living up to your potential?
Are they slow to respond to phone calls or texts?
Do they take offence or disagree with everything you say?
Do you feel they are not making much of an effort in your relationship?
Do they always steer conversations back to things they want to talk about?
Do you always feel like if you only try harder things will work out?
Do they share with others information you think is private?
Are efforts to better yourself met with disapproval or hostility?
Do you feel like there are things about yourself that are best not shared?
Do they seem jealous when you have successes?
Do they overreact to slights or jokes at their expense?
Do you feel they aren’t really listening or understanding you?
Do you not feel completely safe?
Do you feel like they would like you better if you changed?
Do you watch what you say?
Do they want you to fit into their world but don’t want to fit into yours?
Does he mansplain things to you?
Is time with you a priority?
Do they express interest in every aspect of who you are?
Do they often say that there are better ways to do what you are doing?
Is assistance only given sparingly?
Do they refuse to help your friends or family in a crisis?
Do you feel they are not sharing information with you?

Bodily Autonomy Worksheet

General:

Are they ‘pro-life’ or ‘pro-choice’?
Do they respect when you say ‘no’?
Do you need to ask their permission a lot?
Is your opinion treated as valid?
Is there behaviour they consider ‘unladylike’ or not ‘manly’?
Do they describe women as ‘broads’ or chicks’? Do they use vulgar slang for genitalia?
Do they have negative opinions of LGBTQ+ people?
During disagreements, who makes most of the concessions?

Health and Appearance:

Do they tell you how to dress?
Is there pressure to wear make up (or not wear make up)?
Do they require you to ask permission before changing your appearance (i.e. colouring your hair)?
Do they demand you look a certain way in public?
Do they demand you look a certain way when they come home?
Are health decisions made for you?
Do they pressure you into using therapies or medications based on their diagnosis of you?
Do they tell you what products you can or cannot use on or in your body?
Do they try to control what/how much you eat?
Do they try to control your exercise habits?

Social Media:

Do they monitor your social media?
Do they tell you who you can and can’t follow on social media?
Do they restrict use of certain apps?
Do they go through your phone without your permission?
Do they go on your social media accounts without permission?
Do they demand to know your passwords?
Do they control what you post?

Menstruation:

Do they understand how menstruation works?
Do they view menstruation as weakness? Do they use rude words for menstruation?
Do they try to control what kind of menstrual products you use?
Do they treat you as dirty or unclean when you’re menstruating?
Do they reject your thoughts and opinions as being due to hormones during your period?

Sex and Sexuality:

Have you been pressured to send photos that make you uncomfortable?
Do you feel forced into sex or specific sex acts?
Do they believe sex workers can be raped?
Do they believe one spouse can be raped by the other?
Do they believe a woman can/should ‘forbid’ a man’s sexual release’?
Do they believe someone can say ‘no’ to sex at any point in the act?
Do they try to get out of wearing a condom or using birth control?
Have they ever tampered with your birth control (i.e. poking holes in the condom, throwing out your pills)?
Do they try to control what type of birth control you use?
Have they recorded you having sex without your consent?
Have they ever threatened ‘revenge porn’?

Pregnancy and Birth:

Do they have a plan in mind about what will happen if a pregnancy occurs without having included you in the plan?
Does the non-birthing person want too big a say in the birth plan?
Who gets the final say in the birth plan?
Is breastfeeding being forced or forbidden?

Extra Support - Worksheet

Would you loan money or give money?
Under what circumstances would you give money to a family member to pay necessities?
If you made a loan and it wasn’t repaid what lengths would you go to to get it back?
Would you put your own future at risk to help (i.e. taking a loan or putting it on a card)?
Would you give up on luxuries (e.g. tropical vacations) to help?
Would you co-sign on a mortgage or car loan? If so for who?

Would you give bail money to a family member?
Would you help them catch up on child support?
Are you willing to pay their fines?
Would you pay for drug rehab?
Will you provide aid and money to a sibling going through a divorce?
Would you add a person to your cell plan that was not in your immediate family unit?
Would you let a family member turn on utilities in your name?

Would you lend money to your child’s girlfriend or boyfriend?
If there was a teen pregnancy would you pay for the raising of the child?
Would you take in a niece or nephew to prevent them from going into foster care? For how long?
Is institutionalization ever okay in your view?
What problematic genetic conditions run in your families?
Would you take over the care of a special needs sibling when your parents can no longer do so?
Would one of you give up a job to act as a caregiver?
Would you be a guardian of a mentally ill or disabled family member?
What do you consider a disability worthy of help (e.g. social anxiety)?
Would you consider buying a house with a rental suite to house a family member at no cost?
Would you let a family member live with you short term? Long term?
Would you take in a person escaping domestic violence even if this may present danger to you?
When your parents are old and frail will they live with you?
Would you pay for housing or an aide for an aging parent?
If an incident like COVID was hitting seniors homes would you bring a family member to isolate with you to hopefully protect them?
Are you willing to drive your aged in laws to appointments and take them shopping?

Would you be willing to do personal care for an aged relative like changing bandages or bathing?
Would you keep doing what you were to help if it became harmful to your family?
Would any of these situations extend to friends? If so how close of friend?

Coming Out of the Closet - Worksheet

In the space below, define what SAFETY means to you:

On a scale of one to ten, how SAFE do you feel your situation is, in regards to your sexual identity?

On a scale of one to ten, how SAFE does your partner feel their situation is, in regards to their sexual identity?

On a scale of one to ten, rate how important the following activities are to you:

1. Attending Pride events, including marches:

2. Attending protests for LGBT+ rights:

3. Holding hands in public:

4. Kissing in public:

5. Introducing your partner to your friends and family:

6. Being introduced to your partner’s friends and family:

7. Introducing your partner to people as your significant other:

8. Living together:

9. Getting married:

10. Having and/or adopting children:

11. Being your partner’s legal next of kin/power of attorney/etc.:

Are any of the above activities dealbreakers to you, if you were unable to have/do them?

Does your partner have a timeline for when they anticipate being able to come out? Is the timeline acceptable to you, based on your current goals and desires for the future?

Division of Household Labour - Worksheet

Who will make a menu?
Who will do the cooking?
Who will do the baking?
Who will set and clear the table?
Who will shop for groceries?
Who does the dishes?
Who will clean the fridge?
Who will clean the kitchen?
Who will clean the bathroom?
Who will vacuum and sweep?
Who will mop floors?
Who will dust?
Who will do tidying?
Who will take care of the plants?
Who will make the beds?
Who will change bedding?
Who will do the laundry?
Who will take and pick up dry cleaning?
Who will do mending?
Who will shop for clothes and furnishings?
Who takes out the trash and recycling?
Who will do deep cleaning (oven, defrost freezer, clean carpets)?
Who will wash the windows?
Who will clean blinds and curtains?
Who will paint when needed?
Who will do spring cleaning of the interior?
Who will do spring cleaning of the exterior?
Who will get the chimney cleaned?
Who will deal with bugs and vermin?
Who will maintain smoke detectors, fire extinguishers and carbon monoxide detectors?
Who will inspect the exterior for maintenance issues?
Who will clean the gutters?
Who will do yard care (mowing, raking, aerating)?
Who will shovel snow?
Who will maintain flower beds?
Who will do the watering?
Who will clean the garage?
Who will do routine home maintenance?
Who will see to the upkeep of the heating, cooling, electrical and plumbing systems?
Who will maintain lawn mowers, power tools etc.?
Who will do major home repairs?
Who will handle household emergencies?
Who will take care of home improvements and renovations?
Who will take care of appliance maintenance?
Who will wash the car?
Who will do car maintenance?
Who will winterize the house and vehicles?
Who will handle major purchases?
Who will run errands?
Who picks up and deals with the mail?
Who does the budget?
Who will pay the bills?
Who will do the banking?
Who will do the taxes?
Who will manage the family’s schedule?
Who will handle legal matters?
Who will do financial planning?
Who answers letters, emails and returns phone calls?
Who makes medical appointments?
Who will take care of extended family matters?
Who will buy gifts for family & friends?
Who will plan special events?
Who will plan vacations?
Who will plan outings and recreational activities?
Who takes care of the pets?
Who will take care of the children?
Who will bath the children?
Who is in charge of the bedtime routine?
Who will drop off and pick up children?
Who will fill in children’s forms?
Who will volunteer at school?
Who will pack children’s snacks and meals?
Who will take care of sick children?
Who will over see homework?
Who will attend teacher conferences?
Who will drive to after school activities?
Who will take care of discipline?

Am I in this Relationship for the Right Reasons - Worksheet

Ask yourself these questions to assess if you are in this relationship for the wrong reasons:

Why do I want to marry? Is it a goal in and of itself? Is this a need?
What do I hope to get out of it?
Does your religion push the idea of marriage?
Is marriage just what grown-ups do? Does marriage make you feel grown-up?
Are you marrying to escape your home life?
Do you want to marry and have kids to relieve pressure to pursue higher education?
Who is pressuring me to marry?
Do I feel like it is important to marry by a certain age?
Do you feel you need to marry to keep up with others?
Is your biological clock ringing loudly?
Are all your friends part of a couple and you feel like a third wheel?
Does marrying right now fit in with your dreams for the future?
Do you or your partner want to wait for marriage to have sex? Do you feel sex is wrong outside of marriage? Do you equate sex with love?
Do you feel this person is your only option?
Do you think life will be a Norman Rockwell painting once you marry?
Has your partner issued an ultimatum?
Do you feel too old to start over?
Do you need someone to help pay the bills?
Do you not want to work?
Are you struggling to take care of yourself?
Is it expected that you marry someone of a certain race or faith?
Do only the people with families get promoted in your company?
Do you feel you need a helper to do all the things required in your life?
Do you not want to live on your own?
Does growing up scare you?
Are you in love with love?
Is it better to be with literally anyone than alone?
Do you believe if you aren’t married, are you a loser?
Overall, do you feel lonely?
Do you think marriage will automatically make you happy?
Do you think your partner will compensate for the areas in yourself you think are lacking?
Do you hate going to events alone?
Do you jump from relationship to relationship?
Do you feel empty?
Does this person have the things you want (money, status, etc.)?
Do you feel it is just the right thing to do?
Do you think marriage will give you a reason to change bad behaviours (i.e. addiction)?
Do you think it will help you get ahead in your career?
Do you feel it will get you respect of the community?
Do you not want to do woman’s work?
Are you in this relationship to get over someone else?
Will marriage prove your sexual orientation?
Are you trying to save someone?
Are you doing this because you feel sorry for this person?
Have you been together so long it is the next logical step (even if you have doubts)?
Do you not want to hurt this person?
Do you know they are wrong, but feel too guilty to leave?
Do you think marriage will fix problems in your relationship?
Do you want to marry because you fear they will stray?
Have they threatened harm if you leave them?
Is there a pregnancy and you feel marriage must happen?
Do you think marriage will give you the life you wish you had?

What Does Intimacy Mean to Me - Worksheet

In the space below, define what intimacy means to you:

In the space below, define what you think intimacy means to your partner:

On a scale of one to ten, rate the following forms of intimacy based on their importance to you in a romantic relationship:

1. Experiential Intimacy (bonding through leisure activities):

2. Emotional Intimacy (bonding through sharing feelings):

3. Intellectual Intimacy (bonding through sharing ideas and opinions):

4. Physical Intimacy (bonding through physical contact, often sex):

5. Spiritual Intimacy (bonding through sharing common values and beliefs):

6. Creative Intimacy (bonding through creating together):

7. Crisis Intimacy (bonding through shared experiences of pain and/or difficulty):

Of the above forms of intimacy, choose the three that you believe are essential to your relationship working:

Of the above forms of intimacy, choose the three you believe your partner would think essential to your relationship working:

What is the one form of intimacy that would be a dealbreaker for you if you couldn’t have it?

What Do Early Dates Look Like - Worksheet

The early dates should be looked at in the same way one would conduct a job interview as this is what it is, in essence: you trying to find someone to fill an opening, in perpetuity. They should be on their best behaviour and – based on personal experience – sometimes the best they have is a far cry from getting them the job.

Ask yourself these questions. These could be warning signs that you should be wary of...

Do they ask inappropriate questions, push boundaries, or make inappropriate or insensitive comments?
Does this person seem too good to be true?
Do they do a lot of namedropping?
Do you know everything about them before they even know your last name?
Do they make too many jokes?
Do they pass off insensitive comments as jokes?
Do they throw around money early in the dating process and try too hard to impress you?
Do they talk badly about their ex?
Do they drink too much?
Does their Facebook picture or dating profile picture say things about them you find distasteful? What does it say about their focus or how they see themselves? What message does it send to the world?
Early on, do they seem disinterested in who you really are? (i.e. checking their phone too much in early dates.)
Early on, was there a lot of talk about sexploits?
How are date costs split? If one pays, do they say they are owed something?
Are they unwilling to give an opinion?
Do either of you engage in phubbing (phone snub) the other?
Do they have traits of a chameleon? (i.e. anything you are into they suddenly are too.)
Do they tell you your opinions are wrong?
Is one party very persistent and not willing to take no for an answer?
Is there a lot of unwanted touching too soon?
Do they pressure you for sex too early?
Is there a lot of humour, eye contact, and touching? People with avoidant personalities may use these.
Do they seem seem fascinating and come across as open? People with anxious personalities may behave this way.
Are they acting too clingy or too possessive too soon?
Did this person before the fourth date talk too much about self, ex, kids, his/her Mom, their last breakup or your last breakup?
Did they show up late for early dates?
Do they deny they have baggage or refuse to share what it is?
Does their laugh seem phony?
Are they very picky about what they eat, their clothes, or activities?
Are there days of the weeks they won’t see you for no good reason?
Are they rude to wait staff?
Did they swear too much or were they overly vulgar?
Do they tell you early on they are struggling financially or, worse, ask you for money?
Are they are only interested in doing things that interest them?
Are they lacking a filter?
Do they make offensive comments about a culture, race, or religion?
Do you feel like you are babysitting?
Do they seem like they are trying to top you after every story you tell?
Do they order for you without consulting you?
Did they seem too serious too soon?
Are they too negative about everything?
Are their feet pointed away from you?
Do they seem too intimate too fast?
Do they seem like they are hiding information about themselves, yet ask too many very personal questions about you?
Are they too complimentary? Too affectionate too soon?
Do they lack self-awareness, like when they are making you uncomfortable?
Do they avoid discussing family or other issues relating to their past? What they are hiding?
Does this person beat around the bush rather than get to the point?
Do they try to isolate you, like turning off your phone?
Do they want to win at all costs?

Do they avoid difficult conversations?
Are you being pressured to make a major life change?
Are you being pressured for passwords?
Have you been forbidden to talk about a certain topic?
Do they display behaviours that could be classified as trying to buy love?
Is there flirting with others in front of you?
Are they pushing the boundaries of what they can get away with?

Do they have traits of arrogance, self gratification, insensitivity, domination?
Are they unwilling to be opposed or critiqued?
Are you doing most of the compromising in dating?
Do they ever use phrases like ‘if you love me you will...’?
Do either of you not ask questions because you might not like what you hear?
Do you feel like you never get a chance to talk? Like they are not listening?
Have you been love bombed? Been told the L-word almost immediately, complimented constantly, told what you want to hear, love is expressed in extremes, make grand gestures, move too fast?
Do you go along with things on their terms because you fear losing them?
Was one of you way more eager to have a second date? This could be a sign the relationship may be lopsided. It may also indicate that jealousy may rear its head down the road.