Are You Ready for Children Worksheet

 General:

1. Do you both want children? How many?

2. Do you think having children will fix problems in the relationship?

3. Do you think the lifestyle you envision is conducive to children (travelling, career, etc.)?

4. Do you think you have what it takes to be a good parent?

5. Is your relationship stable enough to withstand the stress of parenthood?

6. Are you willing to put someone else’s needs first?

7. Does the sex of the children matter?

8. Is the desire for children so strong you would divorce if it didn’t happen?

Pregnancy/Conception:

1. When will you start trying?

2. Will you plan when to have children or just see what happens?

3. Would you undergo medical procedures (such as varicocele repair or hysterosalpingogram) to make conception possible?

4. If you can’t get pregnancy naturally is in-vitro an option?

5. How many in-vitro treatments would you try?

6. Is in-vitro available where you live or would you need to travel?

7. Is surrogacy or egg/sperm donation an option?

8. How will you deal with the loss of income if the pregnancy is difficult and requires bedrest?

9. Are you prepared for how your partner’s body and mental/emotional state will change over the course of pregnancy?

Birth:

1. Do you want a natural birth (no drugs involved)?

2. Do you want/expect a say in how your partner chooses to give birth?

3. Do you want to be present during the birth?

4. How you handle the restrictions necessary if a C-section is needed?

5. Are you prepared to accept the risks of birth, including to maternal death?

6. Are you prepared for your partner potentially requiring an extended hospital stay?

Postpartum:

1. Will your child be breastfed or formula fed? Do both partners need/get a say in this?

2. Are you prepared for your child potentially requiring an extended hospital stay?

3. How would you handle a child that was constantly fussy and needed a lot of attention?

4. How would you handle a child that is born with a disability or an ongoing medical condition?

5. Will your relationship be able to withstand postpartum depression – which can show up in the non-birthing person as well – should it happen? Are you knowledgeable in the other potential postpartum mood disorders that may occur (such as postpartum mania and postpartum psychosis)?

6. Where will the infant sleep: with you or a separate room?

7. How will you deal with a reduction to your sex life?

Cost:

1. If conception doesn’t happen naturally, how will you pay for interventions like in-vitro?

2. Could you afford a doula?

3. Can you afford things like acupuncture, chiropractic care, and other medical interventions to make pregnancy easier?

4. Have you priced out supplies like diapers and formula?

5. Are you able to afford a special needs child in that eventuality?

6. How will you pay for children ($200,000 to age 18)?

7. Will you save for the child's education?

8. Can you afford to take maternity/paternity leave? Is this leave offered by your employer?

9. Can you afford to put the children in daycare?

10. Can you exist on one income if one parent chooses to stay home?

11. If you want to delay having children, can you afford to freeze eggs or sperm?

Living Situation:

1. Will you need to move to accommodate children?

2. Is the house easy to baby proof?

3. If your child is born special needs and requires, for example, a wheelchair, can you afford to remodel your home? Or would you need to move?

4. Will you want a live-in nanny? Where will you house the nanny?

Outside Influence:

1. Is your family willing and able to support you through raising a child?

2. Do you even want your family to be involved or will they be a toxic influence?

3. Will you need outside support like a nanny or cleaning services?

4. How will you handle family or friends who interfere in your parenting?

Adoption:

1. Would you consider adoption?

2. Is a hard to place child an option (older, handicapped, from another country)?

3. Can you afford the adoption costs?

4. Are there criminal records that would make adoption difficult?

Parenting:

1. Have you discussed your ideas on how to raise children?

2. Have you discussed how holiday traditions will be handled?

3. Will you raise the child in a certain religion? Does your partner agree?

4. How will discipline be handled?

5. How will you manage if your parenting styles are very different?

6. How will you handle a child who doesn’t adhere to gender expectations? A child that is transgender? A child that is homosexual?

7. Could you handle a child that was very disobedient or disrespectful?

Miscellaneous:

1. How will you deal with the reduced free time and lack of freedom?

2. How much time will each parent spend interacting with the children on things other than needs?

3. What activities am I willing to give up or cut back on to be with my children?

4. How will you deal with the child being the focus of your partner rather than you?

5. How capable are you to deal with reduced sleep due to dealing with the child?

6. How will you add child care responsibilities to the division of labour you now have?

Difficult Questions:

1. What will you do if you become pregnant before you’re ready?

2. How will miscarriages/pregnancy loss be handled?

3. Will you try again if you lose a pregnancy?

4. Will you have a funeral for stillborn children?

5. What would you do if you were informed your unborn child has a genetic condition that means it won’t live long? What if your child would live, but would suffer greatly? What if your child wouldn’t suffer but would have, for example, Down’s Syndrome?

6. What would you do if you were informed your pregnancy isn’t viable?

7. What are both of your thoughts and beliefs on abortion?

8. What would your partner do if they had to choose between your life or your unborn child’s life if you were not able to participate in the decision? What would you want them to do?

9. If your partner were to die or leave while you were pregnant, would you be able to afford to raise the child on your own?