The early dates should be looked at in the same way one would conduct a job interview as this is what it is, in essence: you trying to find someone to fill an opening, in perpetuity. They should be on their best behaviour and – based on personal experience – sometimes the best they have is a far cry from getting them the job.
Ask yourself these questions. These could be warning signs that you should be wary of...
Do they ask inappropriate questions, push boundaries, or make inappropriate or insensitive comments?
Does this person seem too good to be true?
Do they do a lot of namedropping?
Do you know everything about them before they even know your last name?
Do they make too many jokes?
Do they pass off insensitive comments as jokes?
Do they throw around money early in the dating process and try too hard to impress you?
Do they talk badly about their ex?
Do they drink too much?
Does their Facebook picture or dating profile picture say things about them you find distasteful? What does it say about their focus or how they see themselves? What message does it send to the world?
Early on, do they seem disinterested in who you really are? (i.e. checking their phone too much in early dates.)
Early on, was there a lot of talk about sexploits?
How are date costs split? If one pays, do they say they are owed something?
Are they unwilling to give an opinion?
Do either of you engage in phubbing (phone snub) the other?
Do they have traits of a chameleon? (i.e. anything you are into they suddenly are too.)
Do they tell you your opinions are wrong?
Is one party very persistent and not willing to take no for an answer?
Is there a lot of unwanted touching too soon?
Do they pressure you for sex too early?
Is there a lot of humour, eye contact, and touching? People with avoidant personalities may use these.
Do they seem seem fascinating and come across as open? People with anxious personalities may behave this way.
Are they acting too clingy or too possessive too soon?
Did this person before the fourth date talk too much about self, ex, kids, his/her Mom, their last breakup or your last breakup?
Did they show up late for early dates?
Do they deny they have baggage or refuse to share what it is?
Does their laugh seem phony?
Are they very picky about what they eat, their clothes, or activities?
Are there days of the weeks they won’t see you for no good reason?
Are they rude to wait staff?
Did they swear too much or were they overly vulgar?
Do they tell you early on they are struggling financially or, worse, ask you for money?
Are they are only interested in doing things that interest them?
Are they lacking a filter?
Do they make offensive comments about a culture, race, or religion?
Do you feel like you are babysitting?
Do they seem like they are trying to top you after every story you tell?
Do they order for you without consulting you?
Did they seem too serious too soon?
Are they too negative about everything?
Are their feet pointed away from you?
Do they seem too intimate too fast?
Do they seem like they are hiding information about themselves, yet ask too many very personal questions about you?
Are they too complimentary? Too affectionate too soon?
Do they lack self-awareness, like when they are making you uncomfortable?
Do they avoid discussing family or other issues relating to their past? What they are hiding?
Does this person beat around the bush rather than get to the point?
Do they try to isolate you, like turning off your phone?
Do they want to win at all costs?
Do they avoid difficult conversations?
Are you being pressured to make a major life change?
Are you being pressured for passwords?
Have you been forbidden to talk about a certain topic?
Do they display behaviours that could be classified as trying to buy love?
Is there flirting with others in front of you?
Are they pushing the boundaries of what they can get away with?
Do they have traits of arrogance, self gratification, insensitivity, domination?
Are they unwilling to be opposed or critiqued?
Are you doing most of the compromising in dating?
Do they ever use phrases like ‘if you love me you will...’?
Do either of you not ask questions because you might not like what you hear?
Do you feel like you never get a chance to talk? Like they are not listening?
Have you been love bombed? Been told the L-word almost immediately, complimented constantly, told what you want to hear, love is expressed in extremes, make grand gestures, move too fast?
Do you go along with things on their terms because you fear losing them?
Was one of you way more eager to have a second date? This could be a sign the relationship may be lopsided. It may also indicate that jealousy may rear its head down the road.
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