“Ethics is knowing the difference between what you have the right to do and what is right to do.” Potter Stewart
There is a board game called Scruples – owned by High Game Enterprises – that gives players dilemmas, asking what they would do in these situations. For example: you are buying a house from an elderly person and they have priced the home way under market value. Do you tell them?
We all have a sense of right and wrong. It is wrong to murder someone in cold blood. Scruples refer to “...a feeling of doubt or hesitation with regard to the morality or propriety of a course of action.” Areas that are a little grey. You find five dollars on the sidewalk outside the mall. Later, you see a man asking at the information kiosk if anyone turned it in. Do you give it to him? What if it was a pregnant lady that looked like she was struggling financially?
Some would give it back. Some would reason that they were probably going to buy drugs with it. Or finders keepers. On the other hand, I know people that would dig in their wallet and give them money even if they hadn’t found the five dollars.
We should have a sense of how our partner deals with the murky areas of morality and how they treat their fellow man. Discuss these moral dilemmas and see what you would both do.
Someone wants to use your home to shoot porn. Your partner abhors porn, but is away for the weekend.
Your married friend wants to use your apartment to have one night stands.
Your friend is gay, but is marrying someone of the opposite gender who is unaware of this fact. Do you say something?
You have made a deal to sell your car and the person is on the way to meet you at a gas station. Someone calls with a better offer. Do you take it?
You want to unload your car that’s a lemon. Do you tell potential buyers of the issues you are having?
You find a wallet with no ID. Do you take the money that’s in it?
You see money fall out of someone’s pocket. Do you tell them?
A customer where you work likes you and brings you expensive gifts. You have no intention of having a relationship with them. Do you take the gifts?
A rich childless relative is close to death. Do you start visiting hoping to inherit?
Your boss tells the staff he can only give the top performer a raise. Do you take credit for others’ work so it looks like you are the top performer?
Would you do work under the table so you don’t have to pay tax?
You are in charge of the office lottery pool and one of the tickets wins a small amount that would work out to less than a hundred each. You really need the money for an emergency. Do you keep it?
Not everyone has the same level of scruples from some are almost angelic to some that are down right shady. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. This discussion is not one of morals, but of compatibility. A marriage between someone that would give the shirt off their back and someone that would sell their grandma to make a buck are going to struggle to find common ground.
Having a sense of your partner’s value system builds trust. If they have a high sense of ethics, you can trust them to do the right thing when no one is looking. If you are both operating a bit on the shady side, can you be certain they won’t act a bit inappropriately towards you? Many people, when they are divorcing, now have to deal with their partner’s shady side and their willingness to cheat just a little.