Does Your Partner Make Questionable Decisions?

“Life presents many choices, the choices we make determine our future.” Catherine Pulsifer

I knew a young man that wanted to go on a ski trip with friends, a trip he couldn’t afford. He wasn’t about to miss out on the opportunity and managed to come up with the money. By robbing a bank. They say the best stories come from bad decisions. This is probably true. Living with the consequences of them sure makes great material for cautionary tales for parents to tell their preteens.

We have all done stupid things and made bad decisions and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If we learn from them. Poor choices are often our best teachers. If they don’t cause catastrophic outcomes that leave other people damaged, leave us financially crippled, or result in a life sentence... I am not talking small things like buying a dog without discussing it with your partner. I’m talking about buying two large dogs when your rental doesn’t allow them and available rentals in your area is zero.

Your partner is going to make decisions you feel are wrong. You are going to make decisions they disagree with. Part of being a couple is working through these. Like buying that used car, just because it looks flashy. Turns out it’s a lemon and costs a lot in repairs to keep it on the road. These things happen and can be worked through. A partner that continually makes bad decisions and doesn’t seem to learn from them, though, could be extremely problematic.

If there exists a pattern of making poor choices, you may feel more like a babysitter than a partner. No one wants to have to dole out a weekly allowance to their partner or follow them around to check up on them. As well, certain choices may put your health and well-being at risk, as well as that of any children. If your partner ends up in jail, can you take care of all the bills and chores? If they lose your life savings gambling, are you able to move back in with your parents? If they drive drunk with your kids in the car and have a fatal accident, will you ever heal from the pain?

You may already be aware that your partner tends to make questionable choices, but often we see potential. We believe that our love and having children will be enough to set them on the right path. The phrase I saw their potential just might be the words that are spoken most often in a therapist’s or divorce lawyer’s offices. Love, though, is blind...so it may be that you have no idea your partner is reckless. It might seem that they are just adventurous or like to party. It’s all fun until they spend their whole paycheque on magic beans.

Ask your self these questions:

Is there a criminal or juvenile record?

Are they impulsive or don’t see the big picture and how their decisions will play out in the future?

Have they filed for bankruptcy or have a record of financial irresponsibility?

Is there a history of fighting?

Do they abuse alcohol or drugs?

Are they a nasty and unpredictable drunk?

Do they drive after drinking?

Are there other addictive behaviours i.e. compulsive shopping, gambling?

Does money burn a hole in their pocket?

Do they have an inordinate amount of debt?

Has there been a lot of job turnover?

Have there been a lot of serious relationships or marriages?

Do they take unnecessary risks?

A man I spoke with had decided to retire at fifty-five. He blew through his money in just a few years, in silly ways. He didn’t buy a house or make investments, just used the money for fun. He ended up having to go back to work. I’m no financial whiz, but as he struggled to pay his rent, I wasn’t sure he would be able to retire again, ever. He told me he was looking for a romantic partner that would help him make good decisions.

Who wants to spend their life having to babysit someone who is supposed to be an equal partner?