“Unfortunately, many people grow up in families with unhealthy relationships, so they lack the relational skills needed for real fellowship.” Rick Warren
At a difficult time in my life, I read The Purpose Driven Life, seeking solace. One part of the book struck me as being not just how we should approach our fellow man, but traits needed in any healthy, happy, and supportive marriage. Warren states the nine traits are: Authenticity, Mutuality, Sympathy, Mercy, Honesty, Humility, Courtesy, Confidentiality, and Frequency. I have taken much of the information in this post from his book The Purpose Driven Life.
Authenticity: “We share our true feelings.”
When we marry, we should know who our partner is – the good, the bad, and the ugly. We should have looked at them without rose-coloured glasses to get an idea if they are a good match for us. So too, we should have been completely open with our partner about who we are. Too often, partners run into trouble when they stop being honest about what they think and feel, so they have no chance of working to resolve issues.
Mutuality: “We encourage each other.”
The wants, needs, and dreams of our partner should be something we are aware of and support them in achieving. We should want the best for each other and our partnership. Cooperation and collaboration are necessary skills we should bring into our relationships.
Sympathy: “We support each other.”
Our home and family should be a soft and safe place for us to land. When we are hurt, scared, or weary, we need our tribe to help us, heal us, and protect us. More than any other person, we expect this from our spouse. To truly have a deep connection, we need to have empathy to understand what the other feels and needs.
Mercy: “We forgive each other.”
We are going to mess up. This should be included in the saying, ‘there are only two things certain in life: death and taxes’. When we do and we have apologized and made meaningful amends, we should be forgiven. In relationships, when we have to pay over and over for a mistake for which we have sincerely taken steps to overcome, it creates distance.
Honesty: “We speak the truth in love.”
It is hard to have trust in a situation where we don’t have a clear picture of what is occurring. In order to feel safe in our relationship, we need to know our partner is sharing all vital information with us and is not lying, cheating, or blurring the truth. “Most people have no one in their lives who loves them enough to tell them the truth (even when it’s painful), so they continue in self-destructive ways.”
Humility: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”
A team functions not by each player thinking of themselves, but in working together as a unit. They have a common goal and make a plan on achieving that for the betterment of all. A good relationship is the same: we have a common purpose and dreams and will give and take to get there. In a relationship, it may mean we don’t always get our way, but do often enough.
Courtesy: “We respect our differences.”
We are often more polite to strangers than our partners. We show more grace and understanding of people we aren’t close to. Treating our partner with not just civility, but the same good manners as our boss or a respected member of the community can go a long way to ensuring a friendship within our marriage.
Confidentiality: “We do not gossip.”
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. A marriage should be the same way. (This doesn’t include abuse!) There is nothing worse than trying to solve a relationship issue when you have family members and friends taking sides. We need to be honest and open in our relationship. That can leave you feeling vulnerable, but you should have the knowledge that anything we say or do will stay between you and your partner.
Frequency: “Relationships take time.”
People drift apart when they don’t make time for each other and for their marriage. Anything that isn’t nurtured eventually dies.
No comments:
Post a Comment