How Does Your Partner Handle Frustration?

“All frustrations are self-induced. The outside world can invite us to become upset, but we ultimately accept the invitation.” Unknown

I once had to change a light bulb that had burnt out on my porch. Easy, right? Except the glass part of the bulb came off in my hand leaving the base in the socket. The weather had caused a bit of corrosion that left the bulb slightly rusted to the socket. There are different ways to handle this pressure, some more acceptable than others. A reasonable response would be to call a handyman or research on the internet how to deal with this. For some people, though, this would send them over the edge. Some might cry, scream, punch the wall, or just live without a functioning light. How would your partner react?

Some people are unflappable in the face of life’s troubles. No matter how many obstacles get thrown in their path, they find a way to navigate them. There is another group that falls to pieces at the first sign of trouble, like a toddler denied candy at the grocery store. Thankfully, the ability to handle frustration, like many other attributes, is on a spectrum with most people falling somewhere in the middle.

People who suffer from low frustration tolerance (LFT) are likely to give up as soon as they encounter resistance. They likely possess a pile of unfinished projects. They often miss deadlines. They are also likely to always be pawning their work off onto others. When they find themselves in a situation where they must perform, such as when their boss is watching, they are likely to get angry, stressed, or exhibit other signs that they are uncomfortable like sweating profusely, swearing, or blaming others for why things aren’t working.

It has also been suggested that a low ability to handle frustration is the cause in most cases for procrastination. These individuals, when things don’t go smoothly, will give up. Or, if they even believe a task will be difficult, will suddenly realize they need to alphabetize the spice rack so they have to delay the task indefinitely. Maybe even forever.

What does this mean for a relationship? A partner who doesn’t handle obstacles well is going to struggle with the ups and downs that are part of any relationship. Being part of a healthy relationship is going to mean that sometimes we don’t get our way. Sometimes we are going to disagree and argue. A person who can tolerate a moderate or high amount of frustration will deal with this pretty well. What about someone with LFT? A young woman on television said it best, “...when he doesn’t get his way he freaks out.” Do you want a partner that is always having temper tantrums? Do you want to always be blamed for any difficulties? Do you always want to give in to avoid these childish reactions? Is it easier to give in than be pestered until you do?

We need a partner that is reliable, that can keep their wits about them in a crisis. We want someone that can handle a home repair without losing their cool. We want a partner that will be able to keep a job. If children or pets are part of the package, we want a person that can deal with the mess and the demands that are part of this. We need a partner with patience and coping skills.

Handling frustration is also an ability needed in handling the rough parts of a relationship. Arguing with a partner will cause an emotional and perhaps physical response in even the most well-adjusted individual. They might say things they shouldn’t or not resolve the issue properly. Someone that struggles with LFT is even more likely to lash out, run away at the first sign of trouble, or make things worse. You may, in the entirety of the relationship, fail to resolve even one issue satisfactorily. Being in love with a partner with LFT will find that when something goes wrong, such as the babysitter cancelling, you always have to handle it. You may feel, at times, like you are the only adult in the relationship.