What is Your Personality Type?

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” Carl Jung

You may have, at one time, taken a personality test – either for a job or to pass the time while cruising the internet. The internet abounds with titles such as: ‘What candy bar are you?’ These are fun, but offer little real insight. Research again and again comes up with the idea that there are only four personality types.

We put on rose coloured glasses when first in love; we view all our partner’s attributes through the idea that love will conquer all and minimize that which we find less than appealing. Knowing each other’s personality type – applying research to romance – can give you an idea whether you will actually be compatible. These tests give you a window into their strengths, weaknesses, and temperament and can even help us to understand who we fall in love with.

What you are marrying is a lifestyle. These personality profiles show you what you can expect daily life to be: routine or spontaneous, leading or serving. They will help us to understand what motivates our partner and this will enable us to recognize what they need from us in order to feel loved by us. If they require recognition and we get so busy with work and children that we treat them as invisible, they may look elsewhere to fill this need, at work or even perhaps an affair.

If you are someone who is punctual and a planner, a person that rides a Harley and shows up when they show up may sweep you off your feet and you may tell your friends they make you feel alive. Were you to marry them, though, a few years down the road, you would be telling those same friends that if they are late picking the kids up from daycare one more time you would throttle them. Truth be told, they are less likely to want to marry you in the first place and, more importantly, anyone.

The True Colours test labels the personalities as gold, green, blue, and orange. I am more familiar with the version developed by Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist. Fisher found that our primary personality type is closely matched to a hormone/neurotransmitter. There is a saying that opposites attract and it turns out that is sometimes true. If your personality type relates to hormones – estrogen or testosterone – the old wives tale holds. Those high in neurotransmitters, though, will choose someone very similar to themself.

Here are the four types for both Helen Fisher's test and the True Colors and the biological agent they are associated with:

Explorer / Orange / Dopamine

Builder / Gold / Serotonin

Director / Green / Testosterone

Negotiator / Blue / Estrogen

The Explorer, as the name suggests likes adventure, fun, and is not adverse to taking risks. While you may want one of these people at all of your parties, if your dream is the house with the white picket fence, two children, and family game night every Friday, this is an unlikely choice. Explorers, in addition to being drawn to other Explorers, are easily bored, too self-involved, and require recognition. Words you may hear an Explorer use frequently are: adventure, spontaneous, fun, travel, outgoing, active.

The Builder is the person you want on any committee, as they are going to do the work to bring an idea into practice. While they are reliable and organized, they can be adverse to instability, change, and have impossible standards. This is another group that does best when paired with another of similar bent. If asked what is important, a builder will use family, honesty, morals, loyal, trust, and respect.

The Director is at home in the CEO office. They are leaders and, in addition to needing to be dominant, they are logical and have a bottom line approach. Some shortcomings found with these individuals are that they tend to be workaholics and stubborn. They are often motivated by money. Words used by a director to describe what is important are words such as intelligence, ambition, politics, and challenges. A good counterpart for this personality is the Negotiator.

In addition to being suited to the Director, a Negotiator is a caring and compassionate individual that tends to move at an easier pace. Because they are very concerned with others needs they are prone to feeling used and burning out by taking on too much. In trying to identify a Negotiator, look for words like kind, sensitive, reader, learning, empathy.

It would be naive to think that we can fit neatly into just four different boxes; we are a blend of several types in varied proportions. The tests may even give you both a primary and secondary type. While it is important to know the primary type, so too is the secondary one. If two builders marry, life may be mostly smooth, but there may be unexpected bumps. These may be caused by your secondary type clashing.

Take heart even if you choose someone whom the tests say is not your ideal or even incompatible, you will know what challenges and fights you are likely to have and can come up with strategies to deal head them off.