Why Now?

Is the timing right? People of older generations grew up with the idea you would meet someone fall in love and get married. That is just the way it goes and what was expected of them. Most never even questioned the notion.

There are poor reasons for why now. For instance, because he asked. Because she gave me an ultimatum. We have been together for X number of years. We were high school sweethearts and our families expects this. Have you never been with anyone else so you assume this is how it is supposed to be. I was once told "I am too old to start over."

What is the worst thing that would happen if you waited? Have you as a couple made a plan for the future? Have you asked all the questions? Really had the chance to get to know who the other person really is, not just the good version we reveal when we want someone to like us.

There are marriages, shotgun weddings, that happen as the result of an unexpected pregnancy and a desire to do the right thing. While this is noble and sometimes does result in till death do us part, if this is the only reason you are marrying now or at all, happily ever after is unlikely to follow. It is hard enough to navigate the trials and tribulations of living with another person without immediately adding a baby to the picture.

I imagine few people are aware that on the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory, getting married is rated as a high stress situation. It is number seven of forty three items, rated from most to least stressful. It comes after death of those close to us, divorce, jail time and personal illness. Though marriage is a happy time we rarely realize the stress it brings and the seriousness with which we should undertake it.

Ideally the answer is I am a complete person and can take care of myself but I'd like someone to share this with and I have found this other person that is also complete. I love them and they love me and we make each other happy, bring out the best in each other, work well as a team and have compatible goals and dreams.

Clearly there is no person who is going to be a completely perfect match as we are all perfectly imperfect human beings but we should strive to find a person that is compatible and be aware of the areas we need to work on.

Ask anyone who has gone through a painful divorce or are now contemplating it, and I am sure they would tell you that they wished they had spent more time considering the trip down the aisle. It is easier and less painful to postpone or end a relationship with someone who you may truly love but can not live with.