“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” Unknown
In 1954, Julian Rotter, a psychologist, developed a concept he coined: locus of control. This is the degree to which people believe they have control over what happens in their life. Do things happen to you or do you make things happen?
At one extreme is the internal locus of control. People high in this attribute believe they determine their own future. They are in control and their success and failure is attributable to their efforts. ‘If I work hard, I will get a good grade.’
At the other end of the continuum is the external locus of control. They see themselves as a victim of fate. Things happen to them from the outside and, therefore, are not their fault. These are people who feel their efforts do not matter. Factors such as luck, fate, and prejudice are seen as interfering in getting what they want out of life. People with this attribute often don’t respond well to change and are less likely to learn new skills or ways of doing things since they don’t feel it will make a difference.
As with all personality traits, these occur along a continuum, rarely is one at the extreme end. The way a person leans in this respect gives us a window into how they approach life and how they solve problems. A job loss may be met by someone whose control is external with blaming and helplessness. An internal control mindset would approach this by evaluating what they could have done differently, then hustling to find a new job in their field, taking a temporary fast food position, or going back to school.
How will your locus of control effect your relationship? If both people have an internal sense of control, life will likely be pretty sweet. Both will set goals and work to attain them, will accept responsibility for their faults and put in the work to have a healthy and happy marriage.
If both people have a high external sense of control, life will likely only run smoothly when life is running smoothly. When they hit a bump in the road, there will be blaming, rationalizing, and inaction. They will fight, pinning the fault on the other, luck, or fate. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. As they aren’t readily willing to learn new ways, each will maintain the status quo and change for the better is unlikely.
A couple that has one of each will face their own unique issues. The internal person may become over- responsible. They will be doing all the work for their relationship, working harder than they would if they were with someone with a similar bent. The external locus person will become under-responsible. They are less likely to work to change things, to learn new methods. When issues crop up, the external person will heap the blame on their partner who will likely shoulder it as they are wont to do.
People with an internal responsibility have been found to have more success in all aspects in their life, including better health, career, and even relationships. There can be a downside, though. At an extreme, some of these people take on too many of the world’s problems. They blame themselves when things go wrong in the community or globally. They worry they could be doing more or that they are using too many of the world’s resources, so recycle religiously, walk rather then drive, and donate old clothes to charity. While having an internal locus can be beneficial, it can lead to being too responsible.
It shouldn’t be surprising to learn that people with an external bent suffer from stress, anxiety, and even depression when things are not going their way. They are likely to end up stagnating. Staying in a job that leads nowhere. Staying in relationships that aren’t healthy. Never becoming the best version of themselves. I have no evidence to back this up, but I believe these people also become control freaks over the things they can actually control, like eating. They try to manage as much as they can a world they see as doing things to them.
They say you can increase your internal locus of control and learn to take responsibility, so long as you are aware...